So, though it seems I may be alone in my adoration for all things knitty, I am sure that you can all appreciate the humor in this post.

As I was wandering my favorite store AKA Winners, I came across this little gem of a book and just couldn't NOT share with you. This is just a snippet...there are many, many more horrendous offerings, but here are a few .








Warm Vest.Cold Shoulder.

How could it have gone any other way? She seems to be trying to smooth things over with a playful pinch of the bum, but he's not having it. This time, she's gone too far. Looks like someone is sleeping in the rumpus room tonight, and if there's a matching afghan in there, it's not going to be him.






Some Situations Demand Extreme Action!

This man has taken Shakespearean steps to exact a swift revenge for the misdeeds of the granny-square crocheting she-devil by his side. While it may look like he's bestowing a sweet kiss upon his lover, in reality, he has coated his lips with a hat-penetrating poison that will render her unable to hold a crochet hook for the rest of her days. Little does he know, she used Poison Proof 'n' Pretty Cashmerino to make the jaunty chapeau.





This is the couple you always hope to avoid at a party. Could there possibly be two more annoying people on the planet? Their careful choice of outerwear serves as a crystal-clear warning that they consider themselves to be a "fun and adventurous" couple. There's no getting around it--they'll be asking you to join them in the hot tub before you can say "no more schnapps for me, thanks." Not so coincidentally, this will also be the exact moment you discover that their choice of underwear is just as bizarre as their matching set of Moron Ponchos. You haven't seen anything until you've seen matching knitted G-strings. complete with fake fur and stategically placed pom-poms.






It's tragic, but there's no saving her. Once the Abominable Yarn Beast has your head firmly clenched in its argyle jaws, it's best not to struggle. Accept the furry hands of fate and realize that once you've made a fashion faux pas this bad, there's no outliving it. You will now and forever be known as Ms. Sasquatch 1974.







It's interesting to see what happens when you combine a fashion shoot and a hostage situation, don't you think? Clearly she's modelling this jacket against her will, and it's simply part of a process meant to speed up the Stockholm Syndrome. The strange U-shaped pocket will cloud her thoughts. The crooked row of blinding buttons will make her question everything she ever believed. Ultimately, the acrylic shag will break her spirit, leaving an empty shell of the woman she once was. By day's end, she'll be convinced that this is high fashion, and soon she won't be able to leave the house without having her limbs covered in a tangled mess of cheap yarn.








Well hey, if this isn't every mother's WORST NIGHTMARE! This is exactly the kind of girl Rick James was talking about. She's got a distinct mesh pantsuit attitude, complete with questionable dye job and pre-thrusted pelvis. But underneath that brooding, buy-me-a-beer-or-I'll-punch-you-in-the-face exterior beats a heart of gold. You can tell by the classy fur knee padding.






And last but not least...and my favorite I think,

...errrrr...and if your "thing" happens to be diapers--all the better! There just aren't enough crocheted unhappy-face pillows in the world to express my feelings for our patron saint of perverse yarn fetish. I'm not even sure what the appropriate venue for this outfit would be. Does she need to call her friends ahead of time to tell them not to wear their brown leotard with diaper-skort and matching head wrap when they head to the miniature golf course? Well, at least the makers of this new and improved acrylic yarn (now polyester!) are offering a guarantee that they can stand behind. People will definitely be looking. Maybe they should have upped the ante a bit and offered a guaranteed open-mouthed gape.


I hope this little offering was able to brighten your day. I know it did mine. I'm so glad I didn't leave this little number to languish on the shelf forever. It's just too fantastic.

Phew!!!

I went to our ward Christmas party last night and the Cub leader let me know that it was a false alarm!!! The doctor confirmed that it was just a bad case of dandruff...the poor kid! Thank goodness!!!! No lice for us...YAY!

For All Those Knitters or Crocheters

I realize I just blogged but I just have to share. I am sure, for any of you out there who like that sort of thing, you have your favorite sites you use for free knitting and crocheting patterns. I thought that I would share mine and you, in turn, could share a few of yours...if you have any. I am always on the hunt for new adorable things to knit or crochet, so I thought maybe you might be too. I think a couple of you out there love yarn too.

I really really love www.purlbee.com It is fantastic. It has some of the coolest ideas, like the Linen Grocery Tote (of which I have made and love), the Long Striped Hand Warmers (which I started about 4 months ago and are still sitting there....they are just so cute, but I hate double pointed needles), or the wedding washcloths (which I think are beautiful and super easy to knit up really quick), along with many others.

I also just found a fabulous site called www.pickles.no. I am super excited about this site. I love the little itty bitty baby stuff. I can't wait to get my knitting on! They have this absolutely adorable bolero for little girls I REALLY want to make for my little nieces called Nora's Bolero and also the cute cute scarf included in Ingrid's Diva kit. I have made a couple of cute slip through scarfs but I like this one much better. I really want to make it!

Anyway, I LOVE knitting. It isn't gross acrylic itchy tacky stuff of the seventies anymore. It is beautiful.

What Every Mom Wants to Hear

I have been quite fortunate with all my children never having a run-in with lice. There is one positive thing about having boys. Their hair is so short you usually don't have to do too much worrying. Not right now though!

Last night I got a phone call from Marcus' Cub leader Lena. She thought it best to warn me ASAP that at Cubs last night, there was a little boy present with a very advanced case of lice. The worst part about it was that the mom, unaware of what it actually was, proceeded to try to rub and pick it out, WITH MARCUS SITTING RIGHT BESIDE HIM!!! SICK, SICK, SICK!

Of course, she didn't get a chance to call me BEFORE I patted Marcus on the head, laid down to read Harry Potter on his bed with him, and pulled my hair out of a ponytail and finger combed my hair. ARG! I'm sort of freaking out a bit!

Suffice it to say, I proceeded to scrub, scrub, scrub, until my head was raw. All our clothes and bedding into the wash, and tea tree oil all over Marcus' head. It's not as if I keep lice shampoo at home. Sort of the grossest thing ever!

Please, oh please, let us NOT be infected with lice.

To the Middle of Nowhere

Since our move from Brooks 3 1/2 years ago or so, we have bounced from place to place, Crossfield, Trochu, Innisfail, and now......Moose Jaw. We are now moving on to Moose Jaw Saskatchewan! I have to put it in writing or I will never be able to admit it to myself. I am SO not looking forward to this move. I am Albertan born and bred and I do not take kindly to the idea of moving to the barren wasteland that is Saskatchewan. Okay, okay, it's not exactly wasteland...it's bigger than Brooks, but man, I really don't want to go!!

Sadly, Kaye has been offered the job he's been wanting for years. He will now be the new Plant Superintendent of Thunder Creek Pork. He's been wanting to run a plant for a good number of years and someone finally thought he should do it too. He worked for a man for about 6 months years ago who remembered his promise and called him up and offered him the job. After a lot of *discussions* and excuses on my part as to why we cannot move, we finally decided that the opportunity is just too big not to go. Okay, it was actually Kaye who decided and I guess that means I have to go too.

I am not at all excited about the prospect of moving so far from everything that I know, but if I am being fair, at Sunterra they do not have medical benefits and RRSPs and the like and they do there, with of course, a pay raise. They also give him 3 weeks instead of 2 for vacation and an awesome moving allowance which means no loading and unloading the house, and they are going to put Kaye up until we get out there and help with rent until our house in Trochu sells. I know, so stupid. When will it ever sell?? I am quite stressed out about that part of it to tell you the truth.

Anyway, there it is. I thought I better write it down and come to grips with what is actually happening. It's really disappointing because I really like Innisfail. It is the best town we've lived in since Brooks. Kaye's super excited though. He'll be starting his new job December 13.

A trail of nuggets

*I apologize to all in advance for this post. I am throughly frustrated and needed an outlet. Now, onto the post.

I don't know who knows this, but I babysit two kids full time. I watch a 3-year-old boy named Jaxon and his little sister Ashlyn who is about 18 months old. I love Ashlyn. She is such a sweetheart, never a problem. Jaxon on the other hand is a 3-year-old boy.

This afternoon, I was trying to finish up lunch when Elijah screams from the living room, "Mom!! There's poop on the floor!" Now, I don't mind changing diapers, don't mind wiping bums, but I DO mind poop on my living room carpet.

I ran into the living room to see Jaxon walking towards me bow-legged dropping a trail of little poop nuggets on the floor behind him. ARGGG!! All the way to the bathroom, little gifts were deposited on my floor.

When questioned as to why he decided to poop in his pants, his reply was, "It just slipped right out of my bum." Gross!

I am so glad that potty training was never a drawn out endeavor with kids going anywhere but where they were supposed to. I don't think I could manage!

The things we go through for our kids who we love is one thing. May I ask, where is the wisdom in doing these things for children who are not our own?

Free is the best sort of deal

I love a good deal...and free really is the best! This little number was offered to us by our realtor. Someone was moving and needed it gone. I was thrilled. I'm cheap, what can I say? The best part of it all? I put it together...all by myself! Usually, I am what you call a wimp. I get Kaye to do anything that requires heavy lifting and handyman skills, but my Elijah really wanted to play with it and it was a beautiful day....so I did it! I'm extremely proud of myself. I like the feeling of being independent.