So, though it seems I may be alone in my adoration for all things knitty, I am sure that you can all appreciate the humor in this post.

As I was wandering my favorite store AKA Winners, I came across this little gem of a book and just couldn't NOT share with you. This is just a snippet...there are many, many more horrendous offerings, but here are a few .








Warm Vest.Cold Shoulder.

How could it have gone any other way? She seems to be trying to smooth things over with a playful pinch of the bum, but he's not having it. This time, she's gone too far. Looks like someone is sleeping in the rumpus room tonight, and if there's a matching afghan in there, it's not going to be him.






Some Situations Demand Extreme Action!

This man has taken Shakespearean steps to exact a swift revenge for the misdeeds of the granny-square crocheting she-devil by his side. While it may look like he's bestowing a sweet kiss upon his lover, in reality, he has coated his lips with a hat-penetrating poison that will render her unable to hold a crochet hook for the rest of her days. Little does he know, she used Poison Proof 'n' Pretty Cashmerino to make the jaunty chapeau.





This is the couple you always hope to avoid at a party. Could there possibly be two more annoying people on the planet? Their careful choice of outerwear serves as a crystal-clear warning that they consider themselves to be a "fun and adventurous" couple. There's no getting around it--they'll be asking you to join them in the hot tub before you can say "no more schnapps for me, thanks." Not so coincidentally, this will also be the exact moment you discover that their choice of underwear is just as bizarre as their matching set of Moron Ponchos. You haven't seen anything until you've seen matching knitted G-strings. complete with fake fur and stategically placed pom-poms.






It's tragic, but there's no saving her. Once the Abominable Yarn Beast has your head firmly clenched in its argyle jaws, it's best not to struggle. Accept the furry hands of fate and realize that once you've made a fashion faux pas this bad, there's no outliving it. You will now and forever be known as Ms. Sasquatch 1974.







It's interesting to see what happens when you combine a fashion shoot and a hostage situation, don't you think? Clearly she's modelling this jacket against her will, and it's simply part of a process meant to speed up the Stockholm Syndrome. The strange U-shaped pocket will cloud her thoughts. The crooked row of blinding buttons will make her question everything she ever believed. Ultimately, the acrylic shag will break her spirit, leaving an empty shell of the woman she once was. By day's end, she'll be convinced that this is high fashion, and soon she won't be able to leave the house without having her limbs covered in a tangled mess of cheap yarn.








Well hey, if this isn't every mother's WORST NIGHTMARE! This is exactly the kind of girl Rick James was talking about. She's got a distinct mesh pantsuit attitude, complete with questionable dye job and pre-thrusted pelvis. But underneath that brooding, buy-me-a-beer-or-I'll-punch-you-in-the-face exterior beats a heart of gold. You can tell by the classy fur knee padding.






And last but not least...and my favorite I think,

...errrrr...and if your "thing" happens to be diapers--all the better! There just aren't enough crocheted unhappy-face pillows in the world to express my feelings for our patron saint of perverse yarn fetish. I'm not even sure what the appropriate venue for this outfit would be. Does she need to call her friends ahead of time to tell them not to wear their brown leotard with diaper-skort and matching head wrap when they head to the miniature golf course? Well, at least the makers of this new and improved acrylic yarn (now polyester!) are offering a guarantee that they can stand behind. People will definitely be looking. Maybe they should have upped the ante a bit and offered a guaranteed open-mouthed gape.


I hope this little offering was able to brighten your day. I know it did mine. I'm so glad I didn't leave this little number to languish on the shelf forever. It's just too fantastic.

Phew!!!

I went to our ward Christmas party last night and the Cub leader let me know that it was a false alarm!!! The doctor confirmed that it was just a bad case of dandruff...the poor kid! Thank goodness!!!! No lice for us...YAY!

For All Those Knitters or Crocheters

I realize I just blogged but I just have to share. I am sure, for any of you out there who like that sort of thing, you have your favorite sites you use for free knitting and crocheting patterns. I thought that I would share mine and you, in turn, could share a few of yours...if you have any. I am always on the hunt for new adorable things to knit or crochet, so I thought maybe you might be too. I think a couple of you out there love yarn too.

I really really love www.purlbee.com It is fantastic. It has some of the coolest ideas, like the Linen Grocery Tote (of which I have made and love), the Long Striped Hand Warmers (which I started about 4 months ago and are still sitting there....they are just so cute, but I hate double pointed needles), or the wedding washcloths (which I think are beautiful and super easy to knit up really quick), along with many others.

I also just found a fabulous site called www.pickles.no. I am super excited about this site. I love the little itty bitty baby stuff. I can't wait to get my knitting on! They have this absolutely adorable bolero for little girls I REALLY want to make for my little nieces called Nora's Bolero and also the cute cute scarf included in Ingrid's Diva kit. I have made a couple of cute slip through scarfs but I like this one much better. I really want to make it!

Anyway, I LOVE knitting. It isn't gross acrylic itchy tacky stuff of the seventies anymore. It is beautiful.

What Every Mom Wants to Hear

I have been quite fortunate with all my children never having a run-in with lice. There is one positive thing about having boys. Their hair is so short you usually don't have to do too much worrying. Not right now though!

Last night I got a phone call from Marcus' Cub leader Lena. She thought it best to warn me ASAP that at Cubs last night, there was a little boy present with a very advanced case of lice. The worst part about it was that the mom, unaware of what it actually was, proceeded to try to rub and pick it out, WITH MARCUS SITTING RIGHT BESIDE HIM!!! SICK, SICK, SICK!

Of course, she didn't get a chance to call me BEFORE I patted Marcus on the head, laid down to read Harry Potter on his bed with him, and pulled my hair out of a ponytail and finger combed my hair. ARG! I'm sort of freaking out a bit!

Suffice it to say, I proceeded to scrub, scrub, scrub, until my head was raw. All our clothes and bedding into the wash, and tea tree oil all over Marcus' head. It's not as if I keep lice shampoo at home. Sort of the grossest thing ever!

Please, oh please, let us NOT be infected with lice.

To the Middle of Nowhere

Since our move from Brooks 3 1/2 years ago or so, we have bounced from place to place, Crossfield, Trochu, Innisfail, and now......Moose Jaw. We are now moving on to Moose Jaw Saskatchewan! I have to put it in writing or I will never be able to admit it to myself. I am SO not looking forward to this move. I am Albertan born and bred and I do not take kindly to the idea of moving to the barren wasteland that is Saskatchewan. Okay, okay, it's not exactly wasteland...it's bigger than Brooks, but man, I really don't want to go!!

Sadly, Kaye has been offered the job he's been wanting for years. He will now be the new Plant Superintendent of Thunder Creek Pork. He's been wanting to run a plant for a good number of years and someone finally thought he should do it too. He worked for a man for about 6 months years ago who remembered his promise and called him up and offered him the job. After a lot of *discussions* and excuses on my part as to why we cannot move, we finally decided that the opportunity is just too big not to go. Okay, it was actually Kaye who decided and I guess that means I have to go too.

I am not at all excited about the prospect of moving so far from everything that I know, but if I am being fair, at Sunterra they do not have medical benefits and RRSPs and the like and they do there, with of course, a pay raise. They also give him 3 weeks instead of 2 for vacation and an awesome moving allowance which means no loading and unloading the house, and they are going to put Kaye up until we get out there and help with rent until our house in Trochu sells. I know, so stupid. When will it ever sell?? I am quite stressed out about that part of it to tell you the truth.

Anyway, there it is. I thought I better write it down and come to grips with what is actually happening. It's really disappointing because I really like Innisfail. It is the best town we've lived in since Brooks. Kaye's super excited though. He'll be starting his new job December 13.

A trail of nuggets

*I apologize to all in advance for this post. I am throughly frustrated and needed an outlet. Now, onto the post.

I don't know who knows this, but I babysit two kids full time. I watch a 3-year-old boy named Jaxon and his little sister Ashlyn who is about 18 months old. I love Ashlyn. She is such a sweetheart, never a problem. Jaxon on the other hand is a 3-year-old boy.

This afternoon, I was trying to finish up lunch when Elijah screams from the living room, "Mom!! There's poop on the floor!" Now, I don't mind changing diapers, don't mind wiping bums, but I DO mind poop on my living room carpet.

I ran into the living room to see Jaxon walking towards me bow-legged dropping a trail of little poop nuggets on the floor behind him. ARGGG!! All the way to the bathroom, little gifts were deposited on my floor.

When questioned as to why he decided to poop in his pants, his reply was, "It just slipped right out of my bum." Gross!

I am so glad that potty training was never a drawn out endeavor with kids going anywhere but where they were supposed to. I don't think I could manage!

The things we go through for our kids who we love is one thing. May I ask, where is the wisdom in doing these things for children who are not our own?

Free is the best sort of deal

I love a good deal...and free really is the best! This little number was offered to us by our realtor. Someone was moving and needed it gone. I was thrilled. I'm cheap, what can I say? The best part of it all? I put it together...all by myself! Usually, I am what you call a wimp. I get Kaye to do anything that requires heavy lifting and handyman skills, but my Elijah really wanted to play with it and it was a beautiful day....so I did it! I'm extremely proud of myself. I like the feeling of being independent.

Colby vs. Prayer

I know I haven't blogged in a really long time. I'll try to expound later on. BUT, right now, I have to share another Colby story.

Dad: "Colby, please say family prayer."
Colby: "I forgot how."
Dad: "Mom can help you."
Colby: "Never mind. Arg!"

Colby: "Dear Heavenly Father, we are thankful for (aside to Kaye - I can't think of anything).
Dad: "This day."
Colby: "This day. And please bless I won't have to say prayers again tomorrow night. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

What a little butt. I think I'm really going to have to worry about him later on in life.

Officially homeless!

Trying to move has been an absolute disaster. Things are NOT going the way I anticipated. Can't sell our house, can't find a place to rent. Need to be there for school in September and Kaye HATING commuting with a passion. Either way, we are moving...the end of the week. The kicker is, we don't even have a place to move in to. Moving to Innisfail has proved to be more difficult than I thought. There seems to be 10 vultures fighting over the same carcass. I'm getting a little downhearted about it to tell you the truth. We now have a renter coming next week to live in my home. We are going to be staying in Brooks at my mom and dad's for however long it takes to find a place in Innisfail....which will be soon, RIGHT??? I need to be positive....or delusional, whichever one I need to be to get through this without losing my mind!

Look out for us in Brooks anyway. We should be there by next Monday at the latest. As for now, we will be madly packing our entire house in the next week. Yay!!

Just what you need, when you need it.

As of late, I have been feeling a tad overwhelmed with my children. I know that I have wondered if it is worth it. I get so frustrated with all the fighting, yelling, crying, and all together stress of being a mom. It just seems like Heavenly Father knows just what you need, exactly when you need it. Today at church, it felt like all the testimonies were about the importance of moms and families. Then, in Relief Society, it was all about nurturing and loving our families. Then, I get home and turn on the LDS website, and I find this mormon message.

Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

I am so glad Heavenly Father loves me. I feel better now.

Seriously?

Yesterday, we received a flyer in the mail from George Richards Big and Tall. I love to look at clothes that might actually fit my husbands frame! As I was looking through, I found a picture of a tee shirt. It was shown in blossom. It is also available in cola, como, sepia, atlantis, armadillo, black, white, charcoal, sangria, or marine. I also found a dress shirt which was available in white, black, pewter, french blue, lavender, chianti, ivory, capri, blossom, chamois, or violet.

This strikes me as somewhat odd. Can someone please define the exact shade of tee shirt I will be receiving if I order como? What about atlantis? What colour would marine be compared to atlantis? Seriously, is there something wrong with the real colours. It is just so ridiculous! Also, I don't know if I really want my husband wearing a shirt that's called blossom or cola. They just sound so silly! I don't even mind having my husband wear pink, but blossom? Weird.

Yes, we are that pathetic

We bought or van in 2006, a couple of weeks after
we found out that I was pregnant with Elijah. When we bought the van, we were given 2 key fob keys. Like this.....



The really bad part about these keys is that they connect to a key ring by that tiny little loop on the side. Not sturdy AT ALL.

About 3 years ago, in a huff, I threw my keys down and broke my van key off of my key ring. About a year later, Kaye's key broke off from being on a key ring with too many other keys. You can't tape that puppy back together. It's in a spot that just doesn't work.

We've been carrying around our keys for a couple of years now...just trying to keep track it. It is not that easy, considering you always have to have your key ring AND your separate key.

A number of months ago, we lost one of the keys somewhere, we have no idea where, and were down to one key. Yesterday, we lost our second key. We cannot drive our van! I cannot even tell you how mad this makes me. We can't find it anywhere! I realize this makes us extremely irresponsibe. I get it. It's hard on weekends though. Kaye drives the van on the weekend as well, so I don't really keep as close of an eye on the key. Either way, it's gone.

Now, we have to tow our van all the way to Olds, which is not going to be cheap so that we can get a new key programmed for our stupid van! I am NOT impressed.

Man, I really, really need to find that key!


* UPDATE

KAYE FOUND THE KEY!!!!! It was hiding underneath Colby`s bed under a pile of clothes. Thank goodness! And yes, we are going to be getting a new one tomorrow.

Only in public!

Today, I decided to go to Winners. No particular reason why, I just wanted to get out of my house. When I go to Winners, sans husband anyway, I like to be there for hours. During this morning spent in Winners, Elijah had to use the bathroom.

Picture this:

Cart must be left outside because I have merchandise.
Baby must be held as floors are, well, bathroom floors.
Elijah locks the stall so I cannot get in.

All is well until...splash!

As you can imagine, Elijah falls into the toilet. I'm alone, holding a baby, with the stall door locked, and a child who has just fallen into his own....you know. It was delightful.

Luckily, when he finally opened the stall, it was to find only his socks that had gotten any real "damage".

To top it off, needing help to wipe his bum, he comes out of the stall into the public area and proceeds to bend over with his booty in the air for me to wipe. Luckily, no one there was offended by the sight of a little boys poopy butt in their face....or they just didn't say anything. Kids! You gotta love em!

You know what though? Still got myself some cute dresses! All is good!

8 years...how did we get here?

Okay, so today, Kaye and I have been married for 8 years. Eight great, amazing, terrible, hard, long, short, fun, trying years. I decided that I would blog about it. I was going to find some of the pictures from that day to post and came up with NOTHING! They are packed away somewhere. Where that is, I couldn't figure out. I was whining to my sister about it and she came up with this one. It's a picture of a picture. It's scratched. It's got Kaye's head cut off. BUT...it's a picture. I have proof. We actually did get married. I do look worse for wear..this is right at the end of the day. What can you do. One day, I'll unpack those pictures.

Here we are now...well actually last October...I can't find another picture of us together since then.

In eight years:

We have had 3 more children.

We've moved 6 times and have our house up so we can move for the 7th time.

Together there are 130 pounds more to us (most of those being Kaye's!).

We love each other more today than ever before.

What do your kids get up to when you leave them alone?

So...I left my kids alone for a maximum of 10 mintues while I checked emails. This is what I came back to. Elijah just warms my heart. BRAT!

The picture has to be on the front!

Generally speaking, Elijah wears underwear that has either no picture or the picture is on the front. On the rare occasion that we don't have those clean...he ends up with old underwear that Colby wore right after potty training. BUT, they must have the picture in the front.

I figure that it would be extremely uncomfortable and for the sake of comfort, he would turn them the right way around. Obviously, Elijah does not share that same philosophy.

At least they don't eat them.

This is my dish towel. Those are boogers. As you can imagine, I'm thrilled about these 2 things cohabitating. At least they aren't eating them right?

Happy Birthday to Colby!

First off, everyone knows how I feel about baking. I cannot tell you the joy I feel with I find "the one" recipe...the best of the best. This icing for cupcakes IS the best of the best. It is the perfect topping for a delicious cupcake...not too sweet yet totally addictive. D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S! You must try it, you must, you must, you must! www.ourbestbites.com/2008/09/perfect-cupcake-frosting-and-filling.html I made these for Colby's class. Yummy!

Since I have this insane love for baking, I let my kids pick absolutely any type of cakey thing they want for their birthday. When I asked Colby, he said, "A jello cake!" I assumed he meant a poke cake where you poke holes and pour Jello into the holes. Completely wrong. He wanted a big huge lump of plain old jello. Ummm...whatever! It was his birthday right?

At least he enjoyed it! What a kid!

The reason why I don't let Kaye grocery shop!

Kaye went to the store for me today. He is working in a town with a grocery store!...and I live in Trochu. SO...he asked me if I wanted him to pick up a couple of things. I thought, sure, we could use some cereal. This is what he came home with...$86 later.

Cheetos
Tortilla chips
Cheddar cheese
Marble cheese
Mozza cheese
M&Ms
Caramel toffee ice cream
Chocolate caramel ice cream
Marshmallow banana candies
Marshmallow strawberry candies
butter
bananas
watermelon
strawberries
colgate
powerade
more powerade
even more powerade


Oh yeah....this is totally why I don't let Kaye grocery shop. Note to self....do the shopping at all costs!

Declarations of Love

This morning, I got to go help out at Colby's kindergarten class. Colby's class is really big, 28 kids I believe. They get parents to come help every day. Today, I was helping an adorable little Filipino boy Boris (it's his dad's name) with his lunch. As I was doing this, he rubbed my tummy and said something to me. His English isn't exactly perfect and I thought that he said, " You look really full," which I would totally expect from a little kid. I do look 'full'! This wasn't what he said though. He pulled me down and whispered it in my ear the second time so I would hear him. He repeated, "You look beautiful." He made my heart melt! What a cutie. It made my day.

As I was wiping desks off after lunch, another little boy, Kaden, told me a story about Colby. He said that Colby gave him a toy one day. I told him that I thought that was nice. He then said he gave Colby a tip. "A tip?" I asked. "Yes, like a dollar?!" he said, looking at me like I was slow in the head. Wow...I didn't realize that kindergarten kids are making deals for their toys on the playground. So cute. I thoroughly enjoyed my morning at Colby's kindergarten.

After 2 years 11 months!

He's done it! After almost 3 years, Elijah is officially potty trained. I'm talking no accidents and I never have to ask him. Of course, bedtimes still call for a diaper, but WHO CARES! No more pooping in a diaper. I'm thrilled. Yay for me! He was so excited about his Doc undies and had to show them at the best possible angle. He's such a ham!

*Update* He woke up with a dry diaper this morning!